Any of you all that know us know that we are an adoptive family...and for those that don't just look at our pic. It will be obvious. We are different sizes and shapes and colors. That's why we call ourselves the "motley crew". I know, pretty funny.
Here's the deal...a few things that I don't need strangers to say to me, or tell me:
1. I know that I'm white and my #3 daughter is brown. I live with her. Your revelation is not mine.
2. Yes...some of my kids don't look like me.
3. My kids have ears and are old enough to understand the stupid things you say. So don't say "where's she from?" I might have to kill you if you do. Consider yourself warned.
4. Just because an AA kid is adopted, doesn't mean they are from Africa. Look around...here in the US we have AA people too.
5. Don't ask me which of my kids are my REAL ones. Clue...we are all real and so are you...REAL DUMB. (sorry...it hurts my feelings)
6. Please don't ask us or the kids if they see their real parents. I am my kids Mom. My kids will look at you like you are stupid because, well, I am standing right there. (birth mom is the correct term). If their birth mom was "REAL" that would make me "FAKE".
7. I don't ask you where you had sex or what process you did to get pregnant with your kids, so please don't ask specifics about mine. If you want to know more about adoption, ask specifics about adoption, not about why they were adopted or placed for adoption. That way, I can sit down and talk without my kids and address them.
8. Being an adoptive Mom does not make me a hero. I'm a Mom who wanted kids and chose adoption. I appreciate (I'm very serious here) that you think that, but it makes my biological kids feel not as important.
Okay...so that's a few things. On another note, being an adoptive Mom has opened so many doors for me to talk with people I would have never met. I love to educate people about adoption, so please don't misunderstand that, but I sometimes feel like a walking billboard.
I love my kids. All my kids. And, I want you to ask questions about adoption. Just please, don't ask me a question that you wouldn't want me to ask you or your child. So, on that note, there are a few great links for etiquette.
Adoption is so awesome...I can't say that enough. It's the best gift that you will ever receive from God. It is a true picture of God's love and grace. If you are considering adoption, you can take a look for information at adoption sites, some private adoption places, and as always, ask me questions. Just not in front of my kids. (end my rant here)
Adoption is totally God's idea, so remember the words of Paul in Ephesians 1:4-6:
"5God was kind and decided that Christ would choose us to be God's own adopted children. 6God was very kind to us because of the Son he dearly loves, and so we should praise God."
Comments
Adoption does not make one real or fake..I agree with you 100% and personally do not like to refer to it like that either. I think it takes a special person to do that, and I think your children (all of them) are very blessed to have wonderful, caring parents like you and your hub.
Great Post!!
~K
You are a wonderful Mom to ALL of your children.
Yay to you and your family...I'm glad you've all been able to come together, however you all ended up there!
Great post. You know I share your battle on this front.
Great post!
Thanks for stopping by my little place. I've enjoyed your site and will be back.
~melody~
I think about adopting everyday, my heart keeps telling me to. I just need to get all of my ducks in a row first.
You have a beautiful family.
Thank you for visiting my blog. I have enjoyed your blog and can't wait to read more.
I say, get the slippers and then make your friends jealous that your floors are so clean! lol I didn't get the slippers last Friday, but I've been thinking about it alllll weekend! lol I have travertine floors on the entire 1500 sq ft downstairs. I'm thinking that in the winter I will have WARM feet and clean floors with the slippers! haha
~melody~
Thanks for your comment! Can I ask about your daughter's ADHD? Was it hard to get her dx? I read they don't usually like to dx that before age 6, sometimes I wonder if Kayla has ADHD. It's hard to tell if it is that, or part of having Ds, or just her personality LOL
My most favorite Aunt in the whole world and her husband adopted 11 years ago. 6 years later, they were blessed again with a second child they conceived. There is no difference. None. At. All.
Some people are so ignorant.
Bless you! Your family is amazing!
I love your blog awards! Would you mind to tell me how you send an award to another blogger? That may sound silly, but I just can't figure it out!
Thanks a million!
Shanan Fowler
Thanks for visiting my blog. I look forward to getting to know you better.
We were all set to adopt in China in 2005 and then I tahnkfully was able to hang on to a pregnancy (after 3 miscarries). WE (hubbie and I) were all set to have a new little girl, just that a new little girl. We didn't care the race or the color, just that we were able to have another child that would be ours. hubbie's parents were HORRIBLE through the process - just horrid and really left us with a dilemna of whether or not to continue the adoption as well as having another baby of our own. We choose not to adopt in China due to the difficulties his parents gave us. Really sad.
All I can say is that some people are really ignorant!
My mom was always so irritated when people saw her as a saint for adopting him. "Rescuing" him from that godforsaken place. Truth is, he rescued us from loneliness.
Thanks for stopping by my blog and yes I am definitely what you would call the adoption type ;). I too have a brown daughter as she likes to call herself. I sometimes get those weird comments or the stares. I often think people must think I had an affair and my hubby is just so kind to take my love child in as our own WHATEVER! It does help living in Washington state people around here seem to be a bit more liberal thinkers and accepting of nontraditional families.
I think your family is BEAUTIFUL! Thanks so much for stopping by my blog and if you ever want to compare notes let me know ;)
Okay, and the t-shirt pic? Fab!
Blessings!
I love that TShirt.
Thanks for the education.
When my mom would take us places when we were younger, people would walk up to her and say things like: "Your children are cute; what country did you adopt them from? Do you have any real children?"
I can understand the fact that we might have looked like we weren't my mother's natural-born children, but even if we were adopted, there are still better ways to phrase a question like that.
Anyhow, thanks for the great post!
My 12 year old is half fijian and the other half is 'me' so it's amazing how many people think he's not my child b/c the rest of us are pasty white and then right in front of him will tell me how lucky I am to have twins and now I have all the babies I should need WHAT?!?. The look on their faces when I point out that Jay is my son too is priceless.
I just don't think people think. Big problem.
Anyways, thanks.
(yeah for being the FB)
I know it must be hard to sift through what people say.
BTW...I am LOVING the Christmas Vacation song!!
Happy SITS day! (love the Christmas music)
I have had many dumb things said to me, regarding my almost lost of my first child, my secondary infertlity, my miscarriage and my getting pregnant before marriage.
My experiences have taught me to shut my mouth!
I think you are a hero.
My late MIL was adopted, all the way back in the 40's when it was rare to be so. She alwasy said she was grateful to her bio mother for providing her with a life she never could have had otherwise, and to her adoptive parents for choosing her.
I'm sorry you have to deal with such idiots. I don't know what has become of us that we feel it's ok to ask perfect strangers things we would be offended to be asked ourselves.
I admit I'm nervous to say the wrong thing...I always seem to put my foot in my mouth even when I have the best intentions!
However, I imagine I've said a few doozies during my lifetime as well.
Congrats on being trully saucy!
Em
Your family is beautiful.
I am 34 years old and was adopted at 3 days old. My adoption was a closed adoption (which was the norm at that time); consequently, I had no contact with my birth parents.
I grew up knowing I was adopted, but had to hear very deragatory remarks from very stupid people...how I don't look like my family, why am i overweight when all the rest are skinny, the medical issues, etc, etc! All through it though my parents loved on me and made me understand that I am one of their kids no matter if I was adopted or not.
Now I am pursuing my birth parents, and they have in fact been located; however, they have not yet chosen to return the contact. But you know what? I'm ok with it! God placed me in the home I grew up in and if my birth parents want to pursue their end of my search then all the better!
Blessings to you and yours!
Much love from your SITStas!
What an awesome post!
I am so sorry for some of the things people have said but so glad that your kids have such a wonderful Mama!
Oooh and I love the "Adoption is the new Pregnant" shirt!
Happy SITS day!
I'm sorry people are sometimes crappy to you!
I still say that I'm glad you have so much love to give. Regardless of how your children come to you you had enough love for all those children -- and that says a lot!
I deal with all kinds of stupid questions on a daily basis. Love the comment about "real mom"..
another stupid question people aske me..in regards to my son
"what is wrong with him"?
ughh nothing..i want to say.whats wrong with you..
- a SITSta
Thanks for the tips...I have done the same thing about what not to say when a family has a child with special needs...#1 - Don't tell the parents that God sent that child to them because they are strong and can handle it...sometimes that only makes us feel like failures when we need to cry.
Your family is beautiful!
Your family is beautiful!