Thursday, November 05, 2009

you asked me what???

if i get asked one more time if i am babysitting, i might explode!!

the post office chic did it to me 2 weeks ago! i walk in with my 3 littlest kiddos, brooke, jada and sofia, to mail a package of fun to my nephews...now i know that doesn't sound like fun to most people, but seriously, planning a little fun package of goodies and actually going INTO the post office is wwwaaayyyy cool in this household, because momma doesn't usually mess with these kinda things with all 3 little ones.
so we go in...the kids were really good, and well dressed, if i can add that. they were looking pretty fine...and being really cute too. we get to the counter and i get the look. i know what's gonna happen next, and i prepare. i hunker down and stand my ground. my heels are dug in...

"wow...you sure have your hands full. are you babysitting?"--which is code for "wow, you have 3 little kids and i'm not sure you know, but one of them is black and d
oesn't look like the rest of you. where did she come from?"

i answer with a very suave, "no. these all are my children". you seriously would think that would be enough...it's not. because now, now, the questions are lingering in her head. why? did she have an affair? how did she get one black kid in the middle of two white kids? and then you see it happening...

"oh, is she adopted?" she says...to which i reply, "we have 4 children and two of them are biological and two are adopted, but they are all our children." great answer...that should suffice. nope.

"where is she from?" {love that question btw}

"jada, oh, she's an eastsider...brooke, here is a westsider...why do you ask? are you interested in adopting or just curious?"
"well, um, not really. i was just wondering why...well...um. adoption is great. i'm so glad there are people like you." {i hate that...btw...makes me sound like one of "those people" again!}

"if you have questions about adoption, i would love to answer them away from the cute little ears that hear everything you say...so just let me know anytime. and by the way, i really don't like little kids, other than mine. i wouldn't be caught dead babysitting. have a good day."

we walk out and brooke says, "why do people always wanna know if we're adopted?"
...and that my friend, is why your parents always told you to SHUT UP if you had nothing nice to say. think first. then speak.

my kids have ears. they hear you.
when you ask me if jada's mom was a drug addict, she hears that.
when you ask me why my kids mom's "didn't want them", they hear that.
when you say, "it's just sad that mom's don't love their babies enough to keep them", they hear it and it hurts.

everything you say to me about my kids when they are present, they hear {that's something to think about}. it's hard enough being different in this world, they don't constantly need reminded that there's one more thing that sets them apart.
so in the future, a simple, "wow, your kids are really cute" would be sufficient...and if you have questions, please ask, but say, "hey i have some questions for you...is there any way we could talk without the kids present...maybe at the playground while they are playing?"
just a thought...remember, my kids have ears. they have hearts. and i love them. my claws will come out if they have to...don't test me. :)
__________________________________

november is national adoption awareness month...

adoptive families is a great magazine full of information and aids to help those adopting or those who have adopted. online there is a great source of information called the adoption guide with tons of info and links for you no matter where you are in this whole process...just thinking or in process...so go HERE and take a look.

17 comments:

Kacey R. said...

Girl, do you need me to come and visit? I can seriously pull out some crazy country I have stored in my back pocket just for times like this. I'm just sayin'. It sounds like you handled yourself beautifully, unfortunately you have gotten used to it and can think on your feet. I read this with my jaw open thinking, tell me the Post Office chick is going to shut up already!

OK, I've put my country on pause. I'm glad you handled yourself so well and hopefully PO chick learned a think or two.

{{HUGS}}

K

WackyMummy said...

... "and by the way, i really don't like little kids, other than mine. i wouldn't be caught dead babysitting. have a good day." ROFLMAO! Best comeback ever!

Too bad people can't do the math in their heads and know when to shut up. With so many adoptions lately of different colors and sizes, you'd think people would stop being surprised about it... or feel the need to comment on it. People need to get a clue: puppies are conversation starters, not children. ;)

Christine said...

Hiya! Thank you so much for commenting on my "Every Child Deserves a Family" post. H.R. 3827 is just newly introduced, but hopefully it will pass and we'll see more children being fostered/adopted:)
I just want to say that you have a beautiful family and I believe that your children will be raised very accepting of others and instead of seeing something different when they look at other families, they will just see "family".
Why, in this day & age, people have a cookie-cutter notion of what a family looks like, is beyond me.
I'm working to change that very inhibiting image. So are you! Very nice to meet you!

He & Me + 3 said...

Good for you standing up for your babies. You are such a good mommy! They are precious girls!

Megan Merrell said...

I love this post and your family and your honesty. And your kids are really cute!

Sara @ Domestically Challenged said...

That was amazing. You are so right. My sister is married to a Korean American and has a son. SO MANY people think she is a nanny or something. It is so annoying to her. One time a lady asked her son, "Did you come from your mommy's tummy?" THINK people THINK!

Heather @ Not a DIY Life said...

And this is why I want to be like you when I grow up. Not because you've done anything special, but because you share the wisdom of your experiences with us. You rock!

Ms. Can't Be Wrong said...

Amen! Love it! You preach it sister!

There was a link posted on twitter to this post. I couldn't wait to get over here to read it. Hubs, little guy and myself are finishing up licensing stuff to become foster parents with the intent to adopt.

Everyday I try to anticipate the questions and comments I will get. I try to prepare myself for the lack of tactfulness of others. I realize I can't.

However, your post is an inspiration! It is part of the job we take on when we open our hearts and lives to these children.

Thanks for sharing!

Em said...

I love that it was Brooke who said "Why do people always think we're adopted?" Shows that you are all a team and in this crazy adventure we call life together. I love reading your blog. You're an inspiration and have a precious, precious family. God bless.

Pam said...

GREAT POST!!

AMEN! AMEN! AMEN!!

The most annoying one that I get (having 2 black children) is "are the brother and sister".

CAN I SCREAM!!!!!

meaghan said...

yeah!

lmt1073 said...

I could not have said it better myself. I am constantly asked "who's baby do you have.."... and of course, when I reply "mine", i get the crazy look or people have assumed that she is my grandchild.... wow!

And as far as the saying "people like you"... it drives me nuts also. Or when they say Addison is lucky. I'd like to think that the rest of us are lucky because she is a part of our lives....

Many blessings to you and yours!

Megan said...

Seriously?! Some people need to put a sock in it!

I love your kidlets! They are beautiful and wonderfully made!!

And you're a fantabulous MOM {not babysitter}!!

mommytoalot said...

Fantastic post!! You said it all.
I can't believe how ignorant some people are. I get rude questions all the time. Especially..."is he yours or another foster child" right in front of the kid. RUDE!

Jen said...

People can be so rude! I can't believe some of the things are said to me or the looks that I get. It sucks.

DysFUNctional Mom said...

I am sure I've said things before that were thoughtless but some of those things are just ridiculous! People are so clueless.

Fahrenheit 350° said...

You were so much nicer than I'll be. My sister married a Mexican, and she dyes her hair brown and tans so she can avoid the questions. Ridiculous!