Wednesday, August 19, 2009

u asked i answer

it's time for the answers...or the best options...so here we go!

debi from who says 8 is enough asks, "what surprised you most after adopting a child of a different race?"

well, interesting question. i really thought i had it relatively figured out. honestly, i worried about the black community not understanding and i had no idea that the white community was going to be the problem. i have found more support and love and dignity in the black community in our interracial fam...the white community has tended to be more questioning and digging, if you will...the "why did she end up in foster care?" "did her birthmom do drugs"...all questions i don't get so much with brooke, who is adopted as well, but white.
after that serious answer, the next biggest thing...white people trying to give me advice on not washing her hair every day. if i had a dollar for every time a person who has no idea how to do aa hair told me to not wash her hair every day, i would rival donald trump!
i usually just smile and say, "yes, her hair is much different than yours" and try and run away so there's not extra advice.

ryan and i honestly thought through so many things, talked with tons of friends and other interracial fams...but until you live live with a multi-cultural, multi-racial family, you can't prepare for it completely. i wouldn't change a single thing...i love my brown girlie pie in the midst of our vanilla fam. she makes us so much prettier...and more aware of the things that aa's go thru that i had no idea...
so, my advice to anyone...listen first, then THINK, then ask questions. if you wouldn't want your children to have it asked about them, don't ask it about another person's child in front of them. my kids have ears...and they hear everything you say. :)

19 comments:

Chocolate Covered Daydreams said...

I believe that God equips families to have Brown babies...and it doesn't matter what color the family is. You are no doubt, the perfect family for J and it shows. I love going to your blog just to see her beautiful smile.

He & Me + 3 said...

Interesting answer. I just love reading about your family. It always seems so loving & close knit. Your kids always seem so happy and you seem like a super fun mommy. you know I just adore miss Jada.

DysFUNctional Mom said...

Great advice. So many people talk first and think later! All of your kids are gorgeous.

~EssenseVibez~ said...

{insert applause}--well said huney--i think if people just take a moment to learn about different cultures, the world would be a much better place--i know if i adopted a white child, i would want to learn as much as i can about that child's culture surrounding myself with my white friends and talking with people i know who will give me the positive feedback i need to hear-and take that information and raise him/her in a positive household surrounded by positive family and friends-You learn through curiosity but be mindful how you go about questioning those curiousities--JK is not only beautiful, she is blessed to have a loving family-Huney, God knew what He was doing when He gave her to all of you--REMAIN BLESSED!

Yaya said...

Seriously, why do people not THINK before they speak??

Christie-The ChatterBox said...

Wow! Can I just say how much I LOVE reading your blog! (sorry it has been a while) This brought a tear to my eye and warmed my heart. Actually, I too would have thought that the Black community would have given you a little push-back but how great that you have found support there (count me among them). Oh and the hair thing...I have issues with my own and my daughters so you are so not alone (smile). I love how you are open and honest. The love for your family oozes from this blog! I think what you have done...everything, not just about Jada...is fabulous! You are truly blessed...and a blessing!

Sarah Eliza @ devastateboredom said...

<3 I pray I can have the opportunity to adopt some day, and you are such an inspiration! Your family is AWESOME. :)

blueviolet said...

That is so well said! I can't tell you how many people have asked me if my kids are really mine. It's really insulting.

Kel said...

beautifully put! :)
~K
ps. I think your little jada is adorable no matter the color!!!

Lil' Woman said...

I just found your blog recently and love it....you have such a beautiful family!! :)

Pam said...

amen. amen. amen.

Jen said...

this is an awesome post. thank you for helping me understand. you all are such a beautiful family.

Sweet Annabelle said...

Good advice for people like me - I usually blurt, then regret. Ugh! I'll remember what you said,

s

Brandy said...

I don't think those people even realize it was rude. But if you were to ask something like that about their children it would be a different story. Great answer!

Sara @ Domestically Challenged said...

Great answer. My sis is married to a Korean man, and some of the comments she gets about their son are..interesting.. One time a lady said, "oh, did you come from your mommy's tummy?" to her son. Crazy!

PamperingBeki said...

Good answer. :)

I'm a white girl and I don't wash my hair everyday... ;-)

Over-Caffeinated X 4 said...

Oh Amen to that girl! The really funny thing is that one of my friends, who is aa, and who adopted an african child from RUSSIA... that's a whole other story... told me she thought she would start a ministry for women who adopt aa little girls to teach them how to fix hair! :) I laughed and told her if I ever adopt from Africa, she'll be the first person I call because I can't even do my OWN hair, much less an African child.... but oh, how I would love to give it a try! I have brown skin envy, I tell you.

My Personal Jungle said...

I know how you feel exactly! Our family is made up of so many colors - I am white, hubby is black, daughter is black, 1st son is white/black with dark features and 2nd son is white/black with blonde hair and white skin. You should hear all the questions I get! Sometimes it makes you want to say "Didn't your mama teach you better?!" No matter what the flavor my babies are they are MY babies!

Susan said...

Beautifully answered! I don't know if I ever mentioned it, but my family adopted a AA child when I was in high school. He also was adopted through the foster care system as a result of my work with a local child abuse shelter. He is my brother and though we didn't really spend our growing up years together, I love him as if we did.