Tuesday, February 10, 2009


"faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we can not see." hebrews 11:1

i took this picture at st. george island, florida this last summer on a vacation with my fam. one thing you all may or may not know about me is I LOVE THE BEACH...and i hate the snow!

the beach is full of peace. i love the sound of the waves and the feel of the sand between my toes. i love the feel of the warm sun on my face. i love to hear my kiddos building sand castles and chasing hermit crabs. i love seeing my awesome hubs under his little umbrella {red head} enjoying time with the fam at the beach.

the last few weeks here in blogland have shown the true face of the life we live here on earth. it's not forever. it's full of pain. there's loss. there's sudden loss. and there's loss that takes every ounce of energy you have to make it through days and weeks and years of painful treaments with no understanding of what all of it holds.

Tuesday Whitt touched me...i have followed and prayed for Tuesday on Tuesady, on this battle with that stinky cancer that she overcame by sleeping and going to be with jesus, where there is no longer that pain. but left behind, here on earth, is pain.

Cynthia at Yummy Mommy touched me. she's one of my bloggy and twitter friends...she's a riot! and at a normal OB appt this last week, she discovered that her baby boy, aiden, had also went to "play with the angels" and be with jesus. and again, more pain here on earth...more suffering and more loss. more questions.

Cora is with jesus now, as of sunday morn... she's 2 months younger than my sofie. after a recurring ear infection, momma and daddy find out that little cora is suffering from stage 4 cancer only a few weeks ago. to that i shout, "what?"...and there's more suffering and questions. more pain.

Kayleigh is a girlie pie that came into this world way too early and at 1lb 1oz...precious little pea that has had to struggle in more ways than some of us adults have. her parents have the faith of job, i swear, yet at times, satan delivers a punch that makes it hurt...and there's more pain.

i have been praying...and praying and praying...and my prayers are changing. they are more personal. i have began to ache physically for the pain in those suffering. the lord is teaching me mercy...and i think he's reminding me of my faith...hebrews 11:1. reminding me that sometimes that faith requires growing...and trusting and believing.

because faith is not what this world sells us. it's not a "feel good" thing. faith is hard stuff. faith is knowing beyond all things that god is who he is....it's being able to know without a physical reassurance. and since there aren't a lot of burning bushes in my back yard, i am learning to see miracles everywhere..and not overlooking them as sometimes i have before.

i am a woman who struggles. i am a woman who fails. i am a woman who loves the lord and still does the wrong thing sometimes. but there are things i know. my god never changes. god never fails. he never leaves me on the side of the road without being there with me.

jeremy camp is a fab artist...from the hoosier state...woo hoo. if you don't know him yet, you should! he lost his wife to cancer in his very early 20's. listen to his words...
"Music is not my life. Christ is my life. The only thing that really matters is what we do for Jesus on this Earth, and as a result of what I've been through, I express even more the goodness of God and how faithful He is."

i love that...sometimes i feel like my life is about my kids. it's not. sometimes i feel like my life is picking up and cleaning and organizing. it's not. my life is Christ.

so when i think about the beach again...i am reminded that often times, i see the waves of suffering that life presents me with. but maybe, just maybe, i should take a look at the beach. the beach takes the waves and still stands. in fact, a little bit of the beach goes out with every single wave...just the way that god works in those waves of trial in our lives. and the beach, although it is beaten and beaten, it stands firm. it runs deep and it does not waiver. the beach remains the beach no matter what storm is presented to it...hurricane or not, the beach remains the beach.

i am more than blessed, i mean, i've known that and i praise god every day for my blessings. i am blessed, no doubt about it.

i am blessed by having 4 kids who are beautiful and pretty much, healthy.
i am blessed that my husband adores me.
i am blessed that my kids think i'm the best cooker in the world.
i am blessed that my kids have the ability to run around like maniacs, not listen to the rules, sit in time out and destroy my house.
i am blessed that my husband has a great job and that his travels for work, although sometimes are many, have thus far been safe.
i am blessed that when i want water, i go to the sink and get it and it's clean.
i am blessed.

and i'm seeing that in spite of all that stresses me out and all that i get angry about, in those things are really blessings. the lord is teaching me...and i'm a slow learner sometimes!

and so this is my revelation and my growth, but i pray you find some grains of sand from the beach in the waves of your life.

here's jeremy's lyrics to walk by faith...they express my feelings so well. i'm feeling broken...but i still see god's face!

walk by faith, by jeremy camp
"Would I believe you when you would say
Your hand will guide my every way
Will I receive the words You say
Every moment of every day

Well I will walk by faith
Even when I cannot see
Well because this broken road
Prepares Your will for me

Help me to win my endless fears
You've been so faithful for all my years
With one breath You make me new
Your grace covers all I do

Well I'm broken, but I still see Your face
Well You've spoken, pouring Your words of grace

go here to see jeremy performing live...you have 5 minutes to praise the lord and find your blessings.
you can see how others have seen the fingerprints of god too...go here.

slow down...and take look for the grains of sand in the waves of struggle.
if you don't know jesus or have questions, please email me.


Casey's trio said...

What an absolutely heartfelt, awesome post. Thanks for sharing friend! Hugs to you.

mama's smitten said...

What a beautiful post! As move along in my rather new spirituality i am realizing that that it has been somewhat bitter sweet in coming to know Jesus. I have experience tremendous joy and peace but my eyes have been open to more pain in lost in the last few months than I ever paid attention to before. Thank you for sharing. Now I able to serve by praying for these families.

TuTu's Bliss said...

This is a wonderful post. I have a bit of happy to share with you very soon. It isn't huge in the face of so much sorrow but the story made me smile and isn't that a start? I'll be back soon with the link.

DysFUNctional Mom said...

What a touching post.

annie kelleher said...

lovely post. personally i believe that we choose when we come into this world, and we choose when we leave, and as sad and as heartwrenching as the losses of children are, who are we to say what part of what great design they are playing? and healing comes in many forms. a person of real faith has no fear of death.

Kel said...

Wow, that is a beautiful post. Faith is hard - believing beyond a shadow of a doubt when all else seems to be against us - it hard, but you're so right when you say, he never leaves us alone...he always has a plan.

Thank you for this reminder...thank you so much!

Rebekah said...

I Luuuuuuve St George Island. I grew up an hour from this beach and have so many memories. It is beautiful and peaceful.

And Jeremy Camp is one of my favorite artist.

And this is such a beautiful, heart warming post- kinda like St George Island.

Stesha said...

The word Faith says it all.

Hugs and Mocha,

Elizabeth said...

That was beautiful...and something I much needed to read.

the cubicle's backporch said...

I cannot imagine losing a child. My heart goes out to all of them.

Penz said...

Today you have touched me deep within and you are so right. I am blessed as well to have my kids, with all their issues and dramas, and all that life is putting me through right now, I would rather have that to feel the pain of tremendous lose. To lose my hubz or my children.

Life is meant to be lived, by to do and give back to the lord. Your home, money, cars, kids, they all belong to the lord and we are just meant to look after them all and car for them, manage his estates and give back to him.

Sometimes we all forget what we are here for in life. Sometimes we often put ourselves first, instead of the lord and I am one of them.

Thanks love. Your words I hope will touch all and even bring some closer to the lord.

Jen said...

I just need to say that this is an amazing post! I have been feeling the same way, struggling with my faith. Thank for your words, they really touched me.
You are such a great woman and I am blessed to know you, even if it is just through the computer. :)

He And Me + 3 said...

Beautiful, Beautiful post. & you are right...we do have so much to be thankful for. We are really trying over here to be content and thankful in every situation, because there is always something to be thankful for.

Meredith said...

What a WONDERFUL post!! Thank you for sharing your heart! I LOVE that you shared your heart!!

That song got me through this summer. When I felt like I couldn't figure out which way was up. When I had no idea if my brother was going to be okay. When I was trying to figure out WHY we were in a storm AGAIN. I was driving in the car and the words got my attention. Even though I'd heard them many times before. I was so very thankful to have those words!

Pam said...

so true, so true, so true my friend. thanks for sharing. I dont know if i have heard that song, but headed to hear it, and share this with another friend who could use it today.

I'd love to twitter with you too!! I don't see a link on your blog, e-mail me!

Anonymous said...

I am so crying! You spoke my heart better than I ever could. We dropped off the goody bags today in honor of Tuesday (pics on blog) and afterward my faith in knowing my purpose was strengthened even more.

I am so fired up to make children smile and honor the little ones who go to be with Jesus.

Jenni Jiggety said...

That was really beautiful...

I hadn't heard about Cora and Kayleigh. :(

Anonymous said...

What an absolutely beautiful post!

Live.Love.Eat said...

Beautiful post!!!! It sure has been sad with all the loss and tragedy. I just cannot imagine!

Christy said...

This is so very true and beautiful. It's easy imo to think that other things are what our life is about, from our husbands, children, church friends, family, anything that's not our Lord. Thank you for the great reminder of what is truly true.

God Bless

Karen said...

Beautiful post. We are all better for knowing you.

Carrie said...

This is so beautiful D...

I always struggle for words about faith. God has given me my talents elsewhere. But you--you are SO gifted!

Thank you for sharing your words, your heart, and your faith with all of us.

Jennifer Thompson said...

That was neat, how you entertwined "beach" with "loss". I too have been sorrowful with the many recent losses of babies, as the passing of one of mine is still so fresh (three weeks ago today)...


PamperingBeki said...

This is beautiful!
Thank you for joining in Fingerprint Friday.

I love Jeremy Camp's story and lyrics.